Dateline: Chicago, March 5th, 2011. I was northbound on Pulaski Road approaching Milwaukee Avenue. As I stopped for the red light, a green car that was parked tried to pull out into the traffic lane, in front of the red car that was in front of me. The car in front of me did not want to let him in, so he blasted his horn for about a solid twenty-seconds. I didn’t see what the big deal was because he had to stop for the red light anyway. What’s the difference if he has to stop a few feet sooner?
I noticed that the green car had a bumper sticker that said, “Simon Sucks”. Being a huge American Idol fan, I recalled some of Simon’s super-rude comments, but had to laugh because he was always entertaining.
The guy in the green car that did the cutting-in just kept his eyes forward, not engaging the idiot, at first. The horn stopped blaring, and just as the light turned green, the guy pulled into traffic with a one-finger gesture held up at arms-length. Then the guy in the red car laid on the horn some more. I followed the pair for a few blocks, until we stopped at the next traffic light.
Just as we all stopped for the next light, the guy in the red car, who I’ll refer to as “the idiot” from here out, pulled into the parking lane next to the green car. I was close enough to hear every word they said to each other, before the actual fisticuffs began.
The idiot yelled at the top of his lungs, “You drive like sh#t. What happened, did you get kicked off American Idol, fa&@t?” And the guy in the green car answered, “I hate Simon, alright? Why can’t you just let somebody cut in?”
The idiot got out of his car saying, “I suppose a fa&$@t like you likes Steven Tyler better.” And he kicked the guy’s driver-door, really hard!
That caused a chain-reaction that he would later regret. When the guy in the green car got out, I was surprised to see how huge he was. He wasn’t big and strong, just big and wide, with a beer-belly. As he stepped out of his car he said, “Simon says I’m gonna kick your ass punk. And yeah, I like Steven Tyler.”
As he got closer to the idiot, the idiot took a step back and looked in his car, as if for a weapon. With his upper body halfway in the window, the big guy pulled him out and slammed a fist into his face. It was on…
The light turned green as they threw a few hands back and forth, but I stayed to watch the action. It only lasted a few seconds, and it seemed pretty evenly matched for the most part. The smaller man landed more punches, but I’d have to say the big guy hit a lot harder.
After a little bobbing and weaving (and a few bruises), the smaller man finally gave up, “OK, fine, I give.” And he got back into his car.
The bigger guy felt like he won as he got back into his car, and retorted, “Watch your f$#@!ing mouth. Next time I’ll knock it off your face.” And the whipped idiot said nothing until his car was in gear. As he took off, he had to yell, “Steven Tyler is still a Fa&@t.” And he sped away.
Living in Chicago most of my life, and being an ambulance chaser from way back, I had seen my share of street-fights. But this one was the funniest one ever!
There were a few ladies waiting for the bus who heard every word as well. I made eye contact with a few of them and we were all cracking up.
And, about American Idol. I’m a huge fan. I watch it every year, but not every episode. But this year is different, and way better than ever! I think adding Steven Tyler to the mix was the best move they ever made. This season, I haven’t missed an episode, and I DVR them all. Even on the days when there’s no Idol on, I watch the reruns.
There were some classic moments on group week. I could go on all day about American Idol, but since this is a road rage blog, I had better not. But make sure you watch it (you can find them on Youtube), and go to AmericanIdol.com and vote for your favorite!
(Note: That picture is not an actual photo of the incident, just one I thought fit the story.)